How To Tell Your Parents They Should Not Be Driving
Driving seems to be one of the last strongholds of freedom when we get older. You were so excited when you first got your license and that taste of independence. It’s reasonable to expect that you will be reluctant to give it up under any circumstance. That is what makes it so hard when your aging parent needs to hang up their fuzzy dice and you have to be the one to tell them.
We all have complained about older people on the road. They drive too slowly or they drive big cars where they can barely see over the steering wheel. We fear they may roll right over us because they can’t see us or their reactions are slow. This is the natural result of aging and it is a problem that a pharmacy cannot give you a drug for.
There may come a time when you have to address the fact that your parent is getting too old or too ill to drive their car. What do you do? Here are a few tips to help you recognize the situation and present the idea to your parents without offending them:
How Well Do Your Parents Drive?
The best way to do this is to go for a ride in their car with them. This is not drivers education; you are not teaching them how to drive better. Instead, you are looking for signs of diminished skills and reflexes, like missing stop signs, or not following traffic signals. If they seem nervous or jittery while driving, this is a sign of a problem.
Do Your Parents Have Trouble With Their Vision?
Some older people have vision problems but are loathe to admit it and avoid seeing the eye doctor. Schedule an appointment for your elder parent. Reassure your parent that they may not need anything more than a new pair of glasses and that this is not like getting an mri or a spinal tap. Seeing the eye doctor does not automatically mean they will lose their license to drive. It may just clear up a vision problem and they’ll be back on the road before they know it.
Sit Down With Your Parents
Ask your parent about driving and if they feel that they can still manage. You may get a suspicious look or an argumentative tone, but don’t join in. Remember that you are talking about their independence. Think how you would feel if someone tried to take away your license. Don’t treat your parents like children; just find out how they feel about driving. You might be surprised to find out they have been waiting for someone to ask.
Consult Your Family Physician
Your parent’s doctor won’t likely discuss your parent’s medical chart with you, that’s confidential. However, you may want to enlist the aid of the family doctor to discuss driving with your parent during their next appointment. Your parent may not want to hear it from you, but they will listen to their trusted family physician. If your parent is denying they have vision problems or judgment issues and continue to drive, it may result in an accident. For this reason, a visit with the family physician voicing your concerns would be expected. Your parent’s doctor or physical therapy specialist may have to be the one to tell Mom or Dad that their driving needs to be limited or eliminated altogether.
It is not easy to lose your independence at any age. When safety issues are at stake, you may have to deal with the fact that your parents are no longer able to drive by themselves. Enlist all the help and support you can get if and when this decision needs to be made. If you approach this issue from a perspective of concern for the health and safety of your parents and the public, then you are more likely to see positive results.

