How To Bullyproof Your Child
My three children have been bullied. My son, who has Asperger’s Syndrome, was bullied because he was different. My two daughters experienced emotional and cyber-bullying because they are high achievers. Although watching my children being bullied was completely heartbreaking, I was determined they would not become ‘victims’.
Bullying doesn’t just exist at school. Bullies – as we all know – are also in the work place and on-line. Although it broke my heart to watch them go through the pain of bullying, I wanted to empower them to develop strategies ensuring that the lessons gained from the experience helped them to become confident and self directed.
So why is bullying on the increase? You don’t have to go far to see why
The rise of Reality TV shows that celebrate bullying and exclusion.
Gossip magazines writing sensational untruths about celebrities – making it acceptable to spread rumours and talk about people behind their backs!
Children being told they are ‘special and deserving of success and happiness’, rather than being encouraged to create their own success and happiness, creating a generation of children who are directionless and who seek excitement in other ways.
Parents often caught up in work and other commitments, leaving children to their own devices for too long, too early.
Bullying isn’t going away in the near future. So in order to ensure your child has skills to deal with bullying, you need to look at the issue in a holistic way. Start ‘bully proofing’ your child early.
Help your child develop confidence – give them opportunities to experience success early. Allow them to make their own mistakes and help them learn from them. Teach your child how to problem solve and negotiate outcomes- whether that be solving time management issues or which TV shows to watch.
Allow your children to engage in a little good natured teasing with siblings. Teasing can help children develop a healthy self resilience, the ability to not take life too seriously and a good sense of humour
Model appropriate behaviour. Your children watch what you do. Be aware of your language – especially how you make judgements and interact with others.
Teach your child to be compassionate and always understanding of people’s differences. Encourage your child is involved in a variety of activities whether it be sport, dance, martial arts or something similar.
Find something that helps them make a wide circle of friends. Don’t be afraid to check your adolescent’s mobile phones, Facebook or MSN. Create conversations about appropriate use of cyber-messaging. Ensure computers are in a commonly used area of the house.
Many children will not tell you they are being bullied. Know your child’s personality and if you ever suspect something act on it. Intuition and parenting go hand in hand. If there is something different in your child’s behaviour or manner, investigate it. If your child confides that they are being bullied be empathetic but don’t let your anger or heartbreak inflame the situation.
State your opinion on bullying and then ask open ended questions. “Bullying is wrong and nobody deserves it. You must feel really sad/upset/angry.” Use lots of when, where, what questions so you can sort out what really happened and encourage your child to talk openly and honestly.
Get your child’s school and teachers involved as quickly as possible and stay as unemotional as you can. Document not only what your child has told you but also any conversations with teachers. Agree to outcomes. Schedule regular meetings until those outcomes are reached.
Help your child to develop their own solutions and make sure you encourage things such as making new friends; getting involved in clubs at school; spending time in the library or computer lab at breaks; finding buddies to walk home from school with.
Watch movies such as Mean Girls, Ice Princess, Chicken Little, The Karate Kid and read stories of people who overcame bullying such as Nelson Mandela, Michelle Pfeiffer, Tom Cruise and Harrison Ford with your children to help them understand bullying and those who have overcome it. Bullying is a heartbreaking experience, but strategies learned can help create confidence and resilience that will stay with your child for a lifetime.
For more inspired reading visit David’s Gift author Sally Thibault’s site on Aspbergers and more.
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Tagged with: bullying • education • parenting
Filed under: Family Topics
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